Within seconds, I received several messages over twitter, linking to the photo of Rhianna, eyes closed, bloody lip, swollen nose, with a bare neck and a visible tattoo on her shoulder. I felt sick to my stomach. Sick that this happened to her, to any woman, to any man, but most of all, felt sick that I could see it. That I, and everyone else, had access to her private, personal pain, and most of all, without her permission.
This is domestic violence, squared.
I will not post the photo here because I will not contribute to the erosion of her privacy, or contribute to taking things out of her hands, out of her control. What survivors of violence need is the exact opposite – the chance to regain control, in their own way, on their own time.
What About Our Daughters writes:
I think its a terrible invasion of her privacy at this point and time. Domestic violence is ABSOLUTELY A PUBLIC ISSUE. Anytime someone touches your body without consent, there is a legitimate state interest in the matter. This isn’t about them never being released. It isn’t about Rihanna having any reason to be embarrassed by her wounds. Its about timing. Could we have not let her bruises fade before we gawked at the damage? Could we have waited for the criminal process to commence?
Chris Brown is safely ensconced in the bosom of his Mama and Preacha’. Rihanna has been stripped bare for all the world to gawk at and I doubt her injuries have healed.
Healing for survivors is about gaining control. As an advocate, you never tell a survivor what to do – you don’t tell them to report, or to leave, or to fight back – you are their witness as they make decisions for themselves, you stand beside them as they gain their sense of power back.
I hope with my whole heart that Rhianna has a team of witnesses standing beside her, holding her pain with her, remaining vigilant to her needs, being with her as she gains her life back, her sense of self and a freedom from fear.
Truthfully, I wish the same for Chris, and that his love is a tough love. That he too is surrounded by people who truly love him and who will demonstrate that love by holding him accountable to a path of healing and restoration.
I am greatly concerned about how the media’s treatment of Rhianna will affect other survivors of violence.
Alex Pates (15) and Ansheera Ace Hilliard (17) of The Women and Girls Collective Action Network said it best in their statement on the situation:
We think that when the media blames survivors, and questions their decision whether or not to leave, it can scare a survivor away from getting help, because it seems like nobody will sympathize with her or even believe her. Or even worse, she’ll be blamed for the abuse. We want young women and genderqueer youth of color to have our voices in the media so that survivors don’t look bad and they aren’t made to look like trash or like they deserve the violence.
The MTV special, “Love in Trouble,” attributes part of the popularity of Rhianna and Chris to the fact they “seemed real, genuine” and they “had an authenticity fans found refreshing.” Unfortunately, reality isn’t always perfect and Rhianna and Chris are just one public example of the one in three teens who have experienced violence in their dating relationships. They do not need to be the poster children for violence, and in the end, they, like their fans, do not live perfect lives, and have more in common with all of our lives than any of us want.
If you are being hurt, if you are afraid, or if you are feeling confused, there is someone to talk to.
Call 1-866-331-9474
This is a very sad situation. I posted the TMZ link on my Facebook page with Rihanna’s face plastered all over the link. I hoped deep down inside this photo was a fake – but from what it appears, it’s real. Incidentally, the LAPD is investigating how the photo got released. TMZ had to empty out their entire bank account to get that photo, I’m sure.
I don’t know. The photo is out there now, the question is what do we do with it? Do we protest against it? Ignore it? Do we pass it around? Do we use it as an opportunity to get DV and SA issues into the mainstreamed national discussion – again?
I think we have an opportunity here, I really do.
As for Rihanna, it’s just a sad situation. Unfortunately this young woman will be defined by this incident for years to come. Her father said that he hopes she can become a voice for women who’ve been abused. I don’t know if this is fair pressure to put on this young woman.
I say we all support her as much as possible in the blogosphere, in the magazines, newspapers, etc.
That’s about the best we can do at this point.
I agree Tara. I don’t think protesting the picture needs to be a huge priority, and I made the decision, like ENews, and hopefully some others, not to print or publish it. I think the opportunity is not to parade the picture around to say “see, DV is really really bad!” I think we use the whole situation to build a dialogue about what our role is in helping survivors and perpetrators of violence find the help they need, and what we can do next time to prevent it.
I Have Seen so many pictures of Rihanna beat up and everything but because its posted everywhere not because i wanted to see them , i personnaly think that people should not be so mean and cruel to people by hitting them or anything , im a 13 year old girl and i think all of this is just wrong , the majority of kids look up to these sort of things , alot of people are still fans of Chris Brown well i say that Chris Brown will not be earning my respect ever again ! I Want for people to make a right here and stop Domestic Violence !
Aspen, I wish you didn’t have to write this. I wish none of this had happened. and I thank you for being a voice of reason and healing for the survivors and perpetrators of domestic violence.
[...] February 15, 2009 by aspenbaker *Read my latest post on the loss of Rhianna’s privacy here* [...]
[...] February 13, 2009 by aspenbaker *Read my latest post on the loss of Rhianna’s privacy here* [...]
I believe people need to see the picture as an example to the domestic violence! It happens all the time, and most of the women are recurring cases!
It’s sad that a man has to hit a woman or kid to feel that he is bigger and better!
I don’t like the idea of needing to “prove” domestic violence in this way, by making a victim out or Rhianna, again, and make her the poster child. I don’t know that we need to convince every person that domestic violence is bad, but there are a lot of people who have a newfound awareness about it through the whole situation, photo or not, that we can educate and potentially mobilize them and continue strengthening our culture to take a stand against violence.
This article is right on I hope it gives us all something to think about.